I often find myself scared to share my music with other people. Music, if you couldn’t tell, is a very important part of my life. When I share something I compose, I feel vulnerable and as if you could simply step on my heart any time you choose to.
I’ve been trying to be less vulnerable about it. I happened to be inspired to compose a piece. I haven’t really written like this is a very long time. Sure, I write filks… those are just words. Sure, I do scroll assignments…. those are just words.
This? This -was- music. This was -my- music. This was my soul.
What makes this even more terrifying is the person I composed this for is also a composer and performer as well. I have an incredible amount of respect for them. Despite them being very close to me and knowing they would never do anything intentionally hurt me, I was still scared. What if it sucked? What if they didn’t like how I composed? We have different skill sets. We have different instruments. I was -terrified-.
This person is full of passion for selkie lore and the sea itself. I can also see the parrallels of their actual life to that of a selkie. I wanted to create a new Selkie piece. One that was not the helpless maiden. Not one where there would be failure, but partnership. So… I began to write….
I set myself an artificial deadline to have it done by so I couldn’t back out. I did test a bit of the motif out on them without them knowing (or atleast, I don’t think they knew at the time) to see if it might be to their taste. With a positive enough of a reaction, I continued on.
As I worked on it, I started to share it with friends who I felt were safe to listen to my track. I send them a voiceless midi with the sheet music. I probably sent it to a good 10-15 people to desensatize myself during the process.
This last Friday, I finished the pieces moments before (minor edits the day of, the piece itself was done the night prior). I asked them, when I saw them, when I might be able to present them with their gift and in what format.
I had done a quick recording of it day of in case they said they wanted to listen to a recording of it in private. They advised live but had some things they needed to manage first. The time came. I fumbled for my midi acommpaniment that I had also composed and played it. I was able to look up at them a few times while I was singing it to them to see if I could get a reading. I could not. They were purely listening to it.
I finished. I closed my black choral binder with the sheet music inside, covered by page protectors and waited for a reaction. They had no words. As of today, I still don’t know, but I, at the very least, know they enjoyed it.
I am no recording/mixing artist so this is likely the best you’ll all get uintil I can take some mixing/recording classes.
Seal Skinned One- MP3
Sheet Music